Smack Talk

If you know me, you know my obsession with basketball, mainly the Celtics. My passion for them continually grows over the years. Like most people, I have a love/hate relationship with my favorite men. When they play horribly I'm screaming at my tv (a skill I learned from my father), when they're playing well, winning and on top of the world like champions I'm jumping on my couch with excitement. I love the adrenaline rush you get from going to watch the game in an arena, it's completely different than watching from the comfort of your own home. I love getting so wrapped up in the game and high fiving the person next to you who you've just met or the generally harmless smack talk that goes on if you're unfortunately sitting near a fan of the opposing team. When I was planning my move to Atlanta my dad said to me he didn't care what I changed as long as I didn't lose my love for the celtics (see its a lifestyle up north just like college football is down here in the south). Luckily for me the hawks are a terrible team so I didn't see any reason to be worried that I'd stop supporting my team. So when tickets went on sale for the celtics vs the hawks right here in my backyard my heart was jumping out of my chest. You have to understand something, every preseason they play against the Knicks in Hartford. Hartford is a huge supporter of the celtics, and Ray Allen who went and played for UCONN back in the day. I have bought tickets for me and my dad to this game the past 2 years (Courtside both times) and he has had the unfortunate luck of not being able to go either time; once due to a bad accident and then this past year since the lockout was still going on...so I was refunded yet again and figured I'd have to survive this season without seeing them tear up the court unless I flew to Boston (still a possibility). Anyways I get it in my head that I'm going to this game but I figured I'd get cheap seats and drag my best friend Lindsey with me. Well as the game approached and my excitement grew, I was missing home a bit at this point, I bought really good seats, made sure all my celtics apparel was clean so we would have options to dress head to toe in the classic green and off we went. I called my dad on the way to the game and his advice was the following: "Ashley I know you get super excited and into these games but please remember where you are, do not get mugged and please do not get in a fight with anyone" I let that go in one ear and out the other and headed downtown to Phillips arena. The arena is not in the greatest of neighborhoods, and me growing up pretty sheltered was not prepared to have people hasseling me from my car literally all the way to my seat; money, my ticket, the jersey I had on- didn't matter they wanted it. Once in our seats we realize we managed to get pretty good tickets. When the game started I was yelling as usual (hence me not having a voice this morning) and was surprised by the turnout of celtics fans- it was impressive. Unfortunately I was not sitting near any of them. I converted the guys next to me who were from Mexico and barely spoke English into celtics fans by telling them they needed to cheer for them. They clearly had no clue where they were or anything about the sport of basketball. Halfway through the game a lovely drunk man decides he wants to yell at me on his walk back to his seat, I remember my fathers advice and let it go. Then at the beginning of the 4th quarter he is walking once again back to his seat (why bother going to a game if you're not going to watch it?) and proceeds to stop and yell at me that he hates Boston. So I ignore him and he does it again, so I stood up in my 5 inch gold sequined stilettos and yelled back "that's nice I honestly don't know what you want me to say to you right now because I love my Boston men". Then his wife pushed him back to his seat as he was spewing vile slurs at me. I get right back into the game and at this point Boston came back in a major way and Ray was just hitting 3 pt after 3 pt. Then the man behind me leans in and screams, yes a whisper would have been lovely I didn't need to have my ear drums hurting "I just want to effing punch Rondo in the face, I hate him" once again I take my fathers advice and don't pay any attention. Then he does it again and goes "I don't think you heard me" so now I'm pissed and want to punch this guy in the face because he's made his team is losing and that rondo and ray are playing like champions. I also have some choice words for him but the fear of getting kicked out and missing the last minute stopped me. So I instead chose to yell back that he was just pissed off that his team didn't have any championship banners hanging and probably never would since they play so terribly. Then the celtics won, I went insane and we ran to the car before any other altercations could occur. All in all it was a good night and yet another learning experience.

"You need to finish your drinks, leave and don't come back"

Never in my life have I ever been kicked out of a place. So when we were kicked out of a bar that looked like it could stand to keep a few customers I was in shock. Let me take you back to the beginning of the evening...I was laying on my couch watching kate and leopold, drinking a skinny girl margarita and having a pity party for myself since my aunt had just left and I was feeling a bit homesick when my best friend texts me to see if I want to go out. Now I was conflicted- I wanted to go out but I really didn't feel like moving, let alone pulling myself together but after her persistence I agreed. The sappy romantic comedy ended (which if you haven't seen kate and leopold just watch it) and Superbad came on. That was all the motivation I needed to pour a cafe patron, curl my hair and find something sequined to wear. We started the night having to pay a cover to get into a bar- ok honestly who carries cash these days? I obviously had $20 because my dad always yells at me for not having cash so we got in and then the process of trying to get a drink started. The bartender literally ignored us and served everyone else at the bar. When Lindsey asked for a beer he said she had to go downstairs to get it and then moved on to ask me what I wanted without asking her if she wanted something else, I'm sure he'll be happy with the tip we left him, it reflected his service. I have another tip for him- don't be a bartender if you don't want to be nice to people. We get bored with this bar and then try to go to one down the street but unfortunately they had a ridiculous cover and lets face it me paying covers is insane because I have no attention span whatsoever and would probably only be in this establishment for 25 minutes max. So we go to this charming (sarcasm) bar that I can't remember the name of at this moment but for anyone who lives in portland it reminded me of a cross between cafe 66 and the winchester. No scratch that, the winchester crowd is classier than the people in this bar were. We order our drinks, try to not pick up a disease from the bathroom and then get bored as this place is not really hopping. Well they had a rooftop bar that wasn't open that evening but one of the drunk guys we were with made his way up there so we all followed because it was more exciting than downstairs. Obviously my catholic guilt kicks in at this time, as I was the child who never did anything wrong so Lindsey and I leave the guys and head downstairs. On our way down we run into someone who works there who yells something at us but I'm already sitting at the bar ordering another drink. Then the guys all come down and the guy who worked there is yelling "you all need to finish your drinks and go and never come back here". Oh I'm sorry- you're honestly kicking us out? We weren't acting like drunk fools and maybe if you don't want people upstairs you should have someone working in front and keep the door shut and locked so it can't be accessed. And another thing, we made up half of the people in this bar on a saturday night, I really wouldn't be kicking paying customers out especially when there was no one else there, its not like we were getting in fights or causing trouble, get over it. I give it another month and this place will be closed. And that was how I got kicked out of a bar for the first time in my life. I guess there's a first time for everything...

#winning

- Celtics taking down LinSanity on Sunday. Maybe now the Knicks will stop acting like they are untouchable. Get over yourselves. I wish I had been at this game, although I totally would have gotten in a fight with a knicks fan as that happened during the preseason game 2 years ago. Don't mess with my favorite men in the whole world, I'll try to kick your ass even though I'm tiny. I tend to get super sassy at sporting events or just places in general when guys think I have no clue what I'm talking about and try to sass me. I win every time so don't mess with me.

- Paul Pierce tying the game with 4.9 seconds left. I don't have enough words to express my love for him or Rondo. If either one of them gets traded I may cry. That is how much I love the celtics and the big 4 the team is centered around.

- Enjoying pitchers of margaritas outside when its beautiful out.  I don't think I need to elaborate further on this one.

- Having my 8 year old cousin tell me the boy she has a crush on has made it obvious that he likes her and everyone says so. I wish we could all have the excitement of an 8 year old who has a crush :) Until then I've got 99 problems but a man ain't one.

This isn't my condo...

Ever had one of those days where everything seems to be going right and then it just goes down hill? Last Wednesday was National Margarita Day, or my favorite holiday of the year. I was so excited to celebrate that night. So as I'm finishing up work someone who has become quite an annoyance called me- work phone and personal phone until I picked up and then I was so pissed off by the end of the conversation I needed a second workout. So I went to the gym and ran for an hour. At the end of the hour I felt slightly disoriented and probably should have sat down for a bit but jumped in the elevator anyways and hit my floor number. You have to understand- no one ever gets on the elevator when I am on it, I get on and get off on my floor. So when the elevator stopped and I was furiously texting my best friend I paid no attention to what floor I was on and got off, still not paying attention and opened my door. Only was it then that I realized my mistake- this wasn't my condo. I got off on the floor above mine when someone else wanted to get in and walked into the condo that is exactly like mine just one floor up. So that led to the awkward conversation as to what I was doing in this guys apartment- obviously having startled him. (Who leaves their door unlocked anyways?!?). So I try to explain the situation, now I sound like a complete crazy person and duck out and make it home.

And no- my margarita wasn't even enjoyable that night. I'll have to make up for that next weekend!

Sassy in the City

As someone in their early twenties I obviously grew up watching Sex and the City and fantasizing of the carefree Carrie Bradshaw way of life. Carrie Bradshaw always seemed relatable yet her experiences far fetched. I never thought that situations she got herself into occurred in real life, however, since I have left my small hometown in CT and now live in a city I have learned that her escapades are not outlandish whatsoever and that gems such as the ones you see on the show truly do exist. Being that I seriously dated someone for roughly 8 years I never experienced these whack jobs that are out there. Now that I'm out enjoying Atlanta nightlife I am meeting some very interesting people and I am able to group them into different categories. I will not give their names or too much of a description so as to not give their identity away, with my luck some of them are definitely reading this...

The Stage Five Clinger Type
I've learned that I tend to attract men who are "stage five clingers". A term best made well known from the hilarious movie Wedding Crashers, stage five clingers will hold on and never let go, causing the other person to go absolutely insane. Its also extremely creepy and awkward when a stage five clinger shows up where you are without you knowing and sends the bartender over with a drink for you when you're trying to get another guy to buy you a drink. Awkward. It never fails, I will find the guy who turns out to be absolutely needy and I wonder how he ever made it through life before I came into the picture. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy taking care of people- I will do anything for those that I love but if you're in your mid to late twenties you should get a grip on your life and run it yourself! Luckily I think I just got rid of my current stage five. Another important note on stage five clingers is that they don't take hints very well, I've learned to be direct with a stage five, otherwise they'll cling on forever.

The I Want a Wife Type
All I will say on this type of guy is that sending a girl a picture of you with small children will not make her fall for you. Especially when she does not want children. If you're in your twenties you should be having fun- not trying to tie this down. This results in an immediate text to your best friend wondering if this situation just happened. This guy may also fall under the stage five clinger category as well.

The Asshole. 
Lets face it- most guys are not nice and don't have good intentions. I recently let myself fall for a man within this category. Don't send mixed signals to a girl, its not nice to screw with our heads. There are certain guys who have great jobs and seem to have it together yet all it takes is one awful night out where they invite you and another girl who they clearly plan on bringing home and think you'll be ok with this horribly awkward situation. Instead of causing a scene what you need to do is buy a round of shots for everyone at the surrounding bar and charge it to his tab without him knowing. Then you and your new friends can toast to the fact that you didn't end up with this jerk and move on.

The Disappointment
Lets just say I thought this was a myth. Adorable, perfect chemistry, basically perfect in every way except one. And there's no need to elaborate further on this.

The Creeper
Trying to help a girl escape a stage five clinger is often where the creeper comes in to play. Then you think you didn't give them too much information on yourself when you get a Facebook friend request from them the next week. I am now questioning Facebook's privacy settings. This is the type of guy you do not friend and stay away from because they just seem creepy.

Changing some of my favorite lyrics slightly to fit, "I've got 99 problems but a man ain't one".  On to the next.

I'll never let anyone put me in a cage

No this isn't leading into some sick innuendo- but rather a line from my all time favorite movie Breakfast at Tiffanys. Bringing you up to speed, last month I packed up my life and decided to become a southern belle moving to the great city of Atlanta. This summer it hit me that I let myself be put in this metaphorical cage that Paul Varjack and Holly Golightly yell at each other over in probably one of my all time favorite movie scenes. Anyways, not to get sidetracked but after living in a very small town for 24 years I decided if I didn't move on I was going to "trap" myself in this cage and never leave. So since I was already flying to Atlanta frequently to visit friends it seemed like the right place to relocate. After a jam packed weekend in November I managed to find a condo that I fell in LOVE with and started the process of buying my first home. Which to anyone that has not done this before, don't attempt to purchase, close and move in less than a month especially if the holidays are thrown in there. It was the most stressful time of my life. But as I sit here now looking out my floor to ceiling windows with a view of the skyline I realize I made the best decision I have ever made. Granted there are times when I miss my family and friends back home but I feel as if I'm living out the life of Holly Golightly, minus the whole "american geisha" thing. There are times when I feel like I should pinch myself because I can't believe this is my life, and its amazing. Since I've moved here I have tried to pull my condo together to make it a home, gotten to know my neighbors who I love, hit as many hotspots as I can and already had several visitors to experience my new life.

My life in Atlanta compared to my life in Connecticut is like night and day, and I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean it in the sense that the two are so different they cannot be compared. People in the south are so incredibly nice and will go out of their way to do things for you. I understand completely why they all have this view of northerners being rude, well mostly they all just think New Yorkers are rude and they don't have enough of a grasp of CT so they don't know what to make of me. My neighbor did however think that since I was from up north I must have known the cast of the Jersey Shore- I'm still laughing over that one. There are some very interesting people who live in my building and I'm sure I'll get to meet all of them tomorrow at our budget meeting. As per usual I've had several awkward moments, but it wouldn't be me unless I turn a normal meet and greet into what seems like a totally weird situation.

I've also learned how to take my independence to new levels. For those who know me can attest to the fact that I have always been fiercely independent and will ultimately do what I want. Well I thought I was completely independent until I moved into my own home and realized my dad wasn't here to do everything for me anymore. When I called him two days ago to tell him of my latest home depot adventure to buy a new air filter for my furnace he started going on about how he tried to show me these things when I was little but I wanted no part of it. Again, typical. Now he just gets phone calls from me every other day asking how to do home owner things such as how to change license plates, using a drill bit, what types of tools I need and just any question that may involve home depot in general because I have not found one person in that store helpful whatsoever.

Anyways I think I'm starting to get the hang of it- well for now. I'm sure tomorrow will be another adventure.